An Ode to Grandmothers…

I have one grandparent who’s still alive.  She’s currently in a nursing home recovering from an infection.  I’ve always loved my maternal grandmother, and I affectionately began calling her “Granny” when I was in middle school, just like my friend Crystal called her grandmother.  For Christmas, my Granny gave me this beautiful bracelet with a heart charm.  On the inside reads the inscription, “Granddaughter, you will always be in my heart”.  I thought this was the sweetest thing.  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve begun to realize that I should appreciate all of my loved ones, especially my grandparents and parents, while they are here with us, and I should let them know how I feel about them.

My great-grandmother (Granny’s mom) used to always say, “Give me my flowers while I’m living; don’t wait til I’m dead”.  So I told my mom I wanted to buy some flowers for my Granny while she was going through her physical therapy.  My mom and I chipped in and bought some roses and an angel figurine (which sits on her nightstand).  She LOVED them, and she even sent me a “Thank you” note.  I’m so happy that I was able to let my Granny know how I felt about her while she’s here, and that she was able to see her flowers.

My paternal grandmother passed on May 5, 2010.  She had been sick for awhile, but I thought she was getting better.  I was devastated when one of my cousins called and told me she passed.  I took her death much harder than I thought I would.  This was the woman who I spent every summer with and every other holiday while I was growing up.  She cooked me breakfast every morning, with the exception of the last Christmas I spent with her; she was too weak.  I spent my summers shelling peas for her fruit and vegetable stand, and she always gave me a few dollars.  Every once in awhile, it hits me that she’s gone; sometimes I feel like it just happened.  It feels weird going back to her house and knowing she’s not there.  But I know she’s enjoying her time in heaven. 

I don’t mean to shun my grandfathers.   My paternal grandfather passed away the year before Southern parents got married, and my maternal grandfather passed the summer after I graduated from high school.  (I can’t believe he’s been gone almost 12 years…) And after my graduation, he gave my mom $100 and told her to use it towards my college tuition.  I will always love and appreciate him for that; when I think about it, it still brings a smile to my face. 

I wanted to write this post to let my grandmothers know how I felt about them, even though one has already moved on.  I am in awe of their strength, determination, and perseverance.  I hope I make them proud and that I grow up to touch as many lives as they have touched in such a positive way.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

“Sperm Donor” and Other Revelations

Earlier this week, the Style Network premiered the new show “Sperm Donor”, which follows a man who donated sperm, one of the women who chose his sperm, and two young girls who have the same biological father.  While I’m very happy that the two sisters found each other, this post is going to focus more on the donor we know of, Ben, the mother of two of his children, Sharon, and my own thoughts about sperm donation.

While in law school, Ben donated sperm for some extra cash.  He is now engaged and has discovered he has 74 (yes, the number is correct) children.  Understandably, his fiancee was concerned.  The mother of 2 of his children has come forward, and she’s concerned that more will be reaching out.  He thinks she’s worried for nothing; but he did tell her on their 3rd date that he was a sperm donor and has “children” in the world.  Now Sharon’s dilemma is a little more difficult.  She has to explain to her oldest, her daughter, that Ben and Mommy were never together and that he’s engaged to another woman.  As most children do, Sharon’s daughter has concocted this fantasy that Mommy and “Daddy” will be reunited, get married, and live happily ever after.  But what’s a 7 year old to think?  I have to admit, there were times growing up when I wanted Southern Mom and Southern Dad to get back together.  It wasn’t until I was 10 or 11 that I realized that wasn’t going to happen.  Sharon was able to get through to her daughter to make her realize that Ben wasn’t going to marry her.  They had a great meeting and have decided to keep in touch.

To my VERY close friends, I have mentioned that if I am not married or in a serious relationship by the time I’m 40 (up from the close age of 35), I will get artificially inseminated.  The show “Sperm Donor” has brought my worst fea rs to life.  What happens if I go to a sperm bank, pick a man that is “highly desirable”, and find out 50 other women picked his sperm, too?  And I don’t know too much about the whole sperm donation thing, but I thought that everything was supposed to be anonymous?  But I guess with this new sperm donor website, where you can find a man based on his donor number, nothing is a mystery anymore. 

So, my thoughts on the show and sperm donation in general?  I definitely think that sperm donation is a great thing for women who want their own children or for couples who cannot conceive naturally.   However, I definitely think there should be a limit on how many children a man “fathers”.  And I thought the whole point of using an anonymous sperm donor was to say “anonymous”…  I have to admit I was afraid of the whole picking a random dude based on a list of things.  I’m kinda re-thinking this whole sperm donor thing.  Hopefully, I won’t have to make this decision, because I know it can be a hard one.   If you saw the show, what did you think?  Or what are your thoughts on sperm donation in general?  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

Related articles

• ‘Sperm Donor’ Tells His Fiance He May Have 70 Biological Children (VIDEO) (aoltv.com)

Witty Wednesday-”The Sissy Boy Experiment”

Last night, “Anderson Cooper 360″ covered the story of “The Sissy Boy Experiment”, which was a study done at UCLA in the 1970s to change the behavior of children who behaved like the opposite sex, i.e. boys playing with dolls and girls behaving as “tomboys”.  The subject of this story, Kirk Murphy, ended up committing suicide in 2003 at the age of 38.  His family blames it on the after-effects of the treatment he received during his time as a study of doctoral student George Rekers. 

Now, before I state my opinion, let me put some disclaimers out.

• I am not, nor have I ever been or claimed to be, a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist. 
• I do not have firsthand knowledge of feeling like I was born in the wrong body (meaning I don’t feel that way).

First, what happened to letting children be children?  Now, I don’t have children, but if my son wanted to play with Barbie growing up, I can’t say that I would allow it.  I definitely don’t think that I would allow him to dress in my clothes.  But, I definitely WOULD NOT send my child to a doctor to “enhance” his masculine behavior.  My belief is that no matter what one does, if a child is born to behave a certain way, that child will behave that way.  It doesn’t matter if the child reverts back to it as a teenager or as a 40 year old, but eventually the child’s true feelings will come out.  Case in point, Kirk Murphy ended up being a gay man.  Sadly, according to his family, he was never truly happy again after his treatment. 

Another point that Murphy’s brother, Mark, brought up in the interview is that Kirk learned what to say to the doctors to convince them he was “cured” and that nothing was wrong with him.  He wasn’t allowed to be who he was because he knew in doing so he could re-live the shame, hurt, and punishments he endured when he was younger.  I would not be surprised to learn that most of the students in this “study” did just that.  And isn’t that human nature-to tell people what they want to hear, especially if the opposite will have negative reprecussions for us??? 

The moral of my post today?  Let people (children) be who they want to be.  As long as they are not hurting anyone, we should embrace them for who they are.   Of course when children are born, their parents have these hopes, dreams, and desires for them, but children are not born to fulfill their parents’ dreams-they need to fulfill their own.  Yes, their life may be hard if they decide to live as a homosexual or as a transgendered person, but as their family, it is our responsiblity to let them know they have our love and support.  Making them feel ashamed of who they are could have dire consequences. 

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city. 

P.S. And let me not forget to mention that last year Dr. Rekers travelled overseas with a male escort.  Dr. Rekers stated he did not realize that his attendant was someone who took money in exchange for sex (yeah, right.).  Dr. Rekers stated he hired this man to carry his bags.  Funny, since the good doctor was pictured pushing the luggage cart with his luggage on it in the airport in Miami when he returned home from said trip…

Related articles

• Anderson Cooper to examine George Rekers’ ‘anti-sissy therapy’ that led to Los Angeles man’s suicide (miamiherald.typepad.com)
• Why did parents keep baby’s gender a secret? (cnn.com)

Happy Mothers Day!

Happy Mothers Day to all of the mommies, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, and mothers-to-be! I was very happy to spend most of last week with Southern Mom, but disappointed she left on Thursday. But I cherished the time that we were able to spend together. I was really proud of myself because not only did I get my mom a few things, I also sent something to my maternal grandmother and my Godmother. I have to admit that today is a little bittersweet for me.

On this day last year, I drove to Hilton Head for my paternal grandmother’s funeral. (That was a long drive, and when I broke down, I called one of my best friends who cheered me up and was able to make me smile.) She passed on May 5, and even though she had been in the hospital, it was still a shock when my cousin called to tell me that she hadn’t made it. I’m thankful I was able to speak with her not long before she died and for the times I spent with her during my first 28 years on this Earth.

If you have a mother or mother figure that’s gone on, don’t focus on the fact that she’s not here; focus on the times you were able to spend with one another. If your mom is still here, take advantage of that and spend as much time with her as you can. And don’t ever take her for granted! I know I’ll always appreciate, love, and cherish Southern Mom! Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Way Back Wednesday- Thanksgiving with the Family

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year!”  That’s right, folks.  Tomorrow official starts the beginning (at least in my mind) of the holiday season.  (We’re not going to talk about how my place of PT employment has been decorated for Christmas for nearly a month.)  I talked to Southern Mom this morning, and of course we were both agonizing (but trying to be strong for the other) over the fact that I will not be home for Thanksgiving.   And this of course got me to thinking about the holidays growing up.  Since my parents are divorced I would spend Thanksgiving with one parent, then Christmas with the other parent and vice versa for the next year.  Specifically for Thanksgiving, each family had their own separate yet unique traditions. 

Each year since I was in the 2nd grade, my mother has hosted Thanksgiving at our house.  I’m not sure if anyone remembers, but my mom bought her first house when I was in the 2nd grade and moved the week of Thanksgiving.  To help her move, my family kicked into high gear, helped us pack up, and had dinner at my mom’s.  From there, I think it just stuck.  Everyone brings a dish, the men (and some ladies) watch football, others gather around the dining room table, and when it’s time to eat, we all gather around the table, say grace, and dig in!  It’s a wonderful time for all of us (my grandparents, my grandmother’s siblings, my mom’s siblings, and my cousins) to get together. 

My dad’s family is a little different.  Even though it’s probably about the same amount of people as my mom’s family, it’s just my grandparents’ children, and their children (and now their children’s children!).   We typically used to have dinner at my Godmother’s house.  We gather, say grace around the table, and eat!  I always enjoyed going to see my dad’s family as they lived about 4 hours away from me, and I didn’t get to see my cousins that often.  We played catch up, the older cousins picked on the younger ones, and you may see a game of Spades going on.   Before the night was over, we all picked a name for Christmas gifts. 

Sadly, as I’ve gotten older and have moved away from my family, it’s harder for me to get to SC to spend the holidays with my relatives.  Thankfully I have friends here in DC who have adopted me and taken me in and invited me to spend Thanksgiving with them.   I wish you all a joyous, blessed, Thanksgiving holiday.  I’ll catch you guys next week.  (Oh, I’m supposed to be making a peach cobbler tomorrow-should be good!)  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!